I'm Mad at the Words

Language always seems to fail me.

No matter how hard I try, there are never enough sounds that I can put together to represent the concepts I'd like to express. 

I'm mad at the words that fail me.

I'm mad at the words that aren't enough. 

There is no word for the realization that my heart feels bloodless in my chest. 

There is no word for where the puffiness of my eye meets the dried tear stains on my cheek.

I'm mad at the words that I will never hear again. 

I'm mad at the language that is so vague. 

There is no word for the emptiness in my ears no longer being able to reach the music. 

The words only contain mere sounds, lacking the strength of the pain that swims through my heart as I scream them out.

Language is too general. 

There is no word for the echoed breeze that hits me as I scream “I love you” into the wind. 

There's no word to describe the specific cry that I release knowing things must be as they are. 

If only there was a word to combine longing with acceptance with hesitation with frustration.

A word that brings together passionate love torn into two pieces before it was meant to split. 

I'm mad at the words that I couldn't say, I'm mad at the words I said. 

I'm mad at the words that don't exist and I'm mad at the words that do. 

Maybe ‘mad’ isn’t even the right word. 

I don’t know the word. 

There is no word I could say that would make a heart feel safer. 

There is no word that can be said that would piece me back together. 

I’m mad at the lack of words.

6/11/2024